Factory Hurl

About 24 hours ago, I saw Factory Girl. The time between then and now has allowed me to reflect upon the film and come to the conclusion that is may very well be the worst film ever made. But giving this movie the title of "Worst Film" almost seems too honorable a mention. I could go on and on about the poor writing, the unoriginal scatter brained style, and the cheesy sex scenes but why not just get straight to the point and tell you that acting was just about as bad as you could ask for.

I'll get to Sienna later, but please allow me to first analyze the other two horrific shits taken upon two of the greatest icons of the 20th Century. No wonder Bob Dylan sued these filmmakers. Keeping a straight face during Hayden Christensen's painful and awkward portrayal of Zimmerman was an impossible task. I can't even process the thoughts it inspires in my head to words, instead I'm just left with a cloud of frustration that lurks in my brain and carries a light saber. Guy Pierce's Warhol was just as lousy and completely one dimensional as he portrayed Andy as almost everything he wasn't. He made Andy Warhol naive. In fact, this trifecta of lame characters all shared the naive characteristic as if these people were complete assholes and idiots and not creating some of the most influential art, music, and culture of their time. Make them conniving if you must, but not naive.

Though the two males where intolerable in every sense, their lack of talent pales in comparison to that of Sienna Miller who is truly pioneering new frontiers in blandness. It is as if the casting directors purposely sought out the exact opposite of Edie Sedgwick. What made Edie Edie wasn't the silver hair or skinny legs, it was it. The it. The invisible it that attracts people to watch and to be intrigued. Edie was it and Sienna is far from it. I probably wouldn't recognize Sienna Miller in a picture without a caption and there would be no picture of her at all if she hadn't been involved with sleazy Jude. Her attempts to bring any of Edie's presence to screen were complete failures. Giggling as a reaction to everything is not equivalent to actual charm. There is a scene when Andy first sees Edie and practically has an orgasm just watching her dance and laugh. It is actually one of the only scenes that Guy Pearce pulled off. The camera is on Andy and he's just overwhelmed and repeating, "She's so beautiful!" and, as the audience, we are begging to see what he is seeing. The camera cuts to Sienna and she is just blah. Not beautiful, just completely blah. According to Webster, 'blah' is the opposite of 'it'.

This film is not just bad, it is tragic. Aside from The Passion of the Christ, I cannot think of another film that is so insulting and shameful in its portrayal of its icons. Just after seeing Factory Girl, I allowed myself to think about it in the cheerful light of mockery, but upon further reflection, I have grown increasingly upset at it. The very first frame of this film is one of the most recognizable shots of Edie Sedgwick. Of course, on screen it is Sienna Miller, but in that first second, before she said a single word or moved a single millimeter, we all saw it. It was Edie Sedgwick and she meant something to a lot of people and still does and this film is an insult to that. This film should have never been made. It is not just a waste of film, but a shit stain on someones legacy.