Bloc Party

Tonight I went to Canada or, as some call it, 175th street. It was by far the most poorly managed show in the history of the universe. Sure, it was the first rock concert at the United Palace Theatre, but it would really help me out if this venue would employ people who had a few more brain cells. Ticketbastard could do the same because, as I found out waiting in the will call line for over a half hour, I wasn't the only person who had their tickets lost in the mail. So much for all of those convenience charges. A bad night for scalpers as well as the streets were filled with people trying to sell their tickets. So much supply and so little demand, I ended up being handed two tickets for free. Crap seats though and I had front row at will call.

By the time we got in, Albert Hammond, Jr. was half done with his set. Eff! Sarah and I tried our best to bounce about in our seats, but sitting really doesn't make sense at a concert. Talking to some of the security guards made us alert to the fact that they were all working their first night. *evil Mr. Burns gesture* Fast forward to Bloc Party coming on and everyone politely standing in front of their assigned seats until Gordon, aka Bloc bass, told everyone to stand closer. As soon as we did, the security tried to get everyone back to their seats. "But sir, you just told me it was your first night working concert security. Isn't it my duty as a mischievous young brat to fuck with you?" And I did. I just didn't move despite being poked a few times. Eventually they got word from backstage to let everyone up to the stage...which was still ten feet away from the band...but an improvement. "This isn't a Snow Patrol concert," Gordon announced.



The actual show part of the show was fantastic switching between mad dancing and slow swaying. The new stuff is good, but really pales compared to Silent Alarm. Fittingly, plaster started to fall on the band during their set. Well done, United Palace Theatre. You are truly pioneering new frontiers of utter shittiness. With some big acts coming up (The Stooges, Bjork, The Arcade Fire) and their hardcore fans, this venue better get their shit together fast. As for me, I'm staying downtown...forever.

I ended up taking some good pictures and I'll upload them tomorrow, but here are a few favorites...









UPDATE: My full set of pictures are now up on Flickr

Factory Hurl

About 24 hours ago, I saw Factory Girl. The time between then and now has allowed me to reflect upon the film and come to the conclusion that is may very well be the worst film ever made. But giving this movie the title of "Worst Film" almost seems too honorable a mention. I could go on and on about the poor writing, the unoriginal scatter brained style, and the cheesy sex scenes but why not just get straight to the point and tell you that acting was just about as bad as you could ask for.

I'll get to Sienna later, but please allow me to first analyze the other two horrific shits taken upon two of the greatest icons of the 20th Century. No wonder Bob Dylan sued these filmmakers. Keeping a straight face during Hayden Christensen's painful and awkward portrayal of Zimmerman was an impossible task. I can't even process the thoughts it inspires in my head to words, instead I'm just left with a cloud of frustration that lurks in my brain and carries a light saber. Guy Pierce's Warhol was just as lousy and completely one dimensional as he portrayed Andy as almost everything he wasn't. He made Andy Warhol naive. In fact, this trifecta of lame characters all shared the naive characteristic as if these people were complete assholes and idiots and not creating some of the most influential art, music, and culture of their time. Make them conniving if you must, but not naive.

Though the two males where intolerable in every sense, their lack of talent pales in comparison to that of Sienna Miller who is truly pioneering new frontiers in blandness. It is as if the casting directors purposely sought out the exact opposite of Edie Sedgwick. What made Edie Edie wasn't the silver hair or skinny legs, it was it. The it. The invisible it that attracts people to watch and to be intrigued. Edie was it and Sienna is far from it. I probably wouldn't recognize Sienna Miller in a picture without a caption and there would be no picture of her at all if she hadn't been involved with sleazy Jude. Her attempts to bring any of Edie's presence to screen were complete failures. Giggling as a reaction to everything is not equivalent to actual charm. There is a scene when Andy first sees Edie and practically has an orgasm just watching her dance and laugh. It is actually one of the only scenes that Guy Pearce pulled off. The camera is on Andy and he's just overwhelmed and repeating, "She's so beautiful!" and, as the audience, we are begging to see what he is seeing. The camera cuts to Sienna and she is just blah. Not beautiful, just completely blah. According to Webster, 'blah' is the opposite of 'it'.

This film is not just bad, it is tragic. Aside from The Passion of the Christ, I cannot think of another film that is so insulting and shameful in its portrayal of its icons. Just after seeing Factory Girl, I allowed myself to think about it in the cheerful light of mockery, but upon further reflection, I have grown increasingly upset at it. The very first frame of this film is one of the most recognizable shots of Edie Sedgwick. Of course, on screen it is Sienna Miller, but in that first second, before she said a single word or moved a single millimeter, we all saw it. It was Edie Sedgwick and she meant something to a lot of people and still does and this film is an insult to that. This film should have never been made. It is not just a waste of film, but a shit stain on someones legacy.

Curse of the Golden Rat

Photo Credit

I'm really on a roll this week, two for two. After yesterday's viewing experience of The Queen, I decided to try and erase my memory by going to see Curse of the Golden Flower at the Regal in Union Square. About 30 minutes into the movie, I put my half-eaten bag of popcorn on the ground. A few minutes later I started to hear rustling under my chair. I looked behind me to see that no one was sitting there. To my utter horror and disgust the rustling noise soon gave way to the sound of crunching popcorn. This continued as I squirmed in my seat until I couldn't stand it anymore and sped out of the theatre in fear that I might start screaming my head off. A rat? A RAT?!!? How disgusting and unsanitary of you, Regal Union Square Stadium 14 (the same Regal Union Square Stadium 14 that I will never again enter and advise all others to do the same. The Regal Union Square Stadium 14 right next to the Virgin Megastore for those of you who don't know it by name). Needless to say, I got my money back and left but not before the manager offered me a coupon for a free popcorn. To redeem said coupon I would have to be at this theatre again which is an event that will never take place, so I politely declined.

Gross, right? But hey, it's New York! That's what one of the maintenance guys said to me yesterday when I asked about our building's mystery smell (that immediately departed once I and a few others called the building's management). I was merely curious and wanted him to tell me the source of the smell which he surely knew because it dissipated so quickly. He said that it just went away on its own and stuff like that should be expected because, after all, this was New York not California. Um no, dip shit! This may be New York, but this is my apartment that I pay through the nose for so that I do NOT have to deal with smells of rotten eggs in my closet! I feel the same can be said for an $11 movie ticket, whose over bloated price should pay for the extra pest control required to run a New York City movie theatre.

An Open Letter

Dear Mr. Insane Man,

I hope you enjoyed our screening of The Queen this evening. I couldn't quite make out what you kept mumbling to yourself nor can I figure out why you needed to stand up for a few minutes to examine nifty objects from your pockets. My best guess is that you were using the very convenient light provided by the projector to read. Well done with that! And how very thoughtful of you to sit at the very front of the theatre so to alert everyone to your insanity. You didn't care! Those chicken shits would never approach a crazy guy like you. Oh and it was a nice touch when you asked the man two seats back if he wanted popcorn. Thanks for not asking me because I, like everyone else, was annoyed as hell but not enough to complain in fear that you might pull out a nifty gun from your pocket. But it's not my intention to write to you about what ifs, but rather to thank you. You may be insane Mr. Insane Man, but at least you didn't talk on your cellphone like the asshole behind me. So, thanks for that!

Sincerely,
Ms. Freaked-out Movie Patron

The Smell

I admit that made fun of the smell emergency us New Yorkers had last week, but I'm no longer laughing. My building is reeking of rotten eggs at the moment. I have no idea if it's related to last week's scare, all I know is I'm going to barf but cannot because I think the smell is leaking in from the vent over the toilet. This is so sickening! I have zero sympathy for whomever's three day weekend I'm ruining over this, there better be a superintendent knocking on my door very soon or I'm going to have a cow. At the very least I'm going to force the owners of this building to pay my dry cleaning bills. Gag!

First Post, Two Cents

I created this Blogger account a while back but neglected it in favor of only occasionally posting blogs on Myspace until now, of course. For some reason, most likely boredom, I've decided to grow up and try to use this real deal blog. Any interested in seeing my concert photos in their entirety, head over to imeem...it's the shit.

So what to write about for my first Blogger blog? How about the same 10 minute experience it seems half of all New Yorkers (including yours truly) went through yesterday morning?

This was me:

Photo Credit

That 10 minutes was wasted spent on a certain Canadian indie rock band. I would like to know who actually got tickets for one of the five sold out shows The Arcade Fire are playing in February. So far I've only read about my experience of waiting in the "virtual waiting room" only to discover it was all sold out. Because The Arcade Fire care so much, only 2 tickets were available per purchase and resale is not allowed through ID enforcement meaning that people on both sides are now looking for hot dates. I like how in order to avoid profiteering, they have turned to what is basically prostitution. Here's a little advice to the people organizing this five-day extravaganza whether it be the band, the venue, etc: If you want to make sure the right people get tickets to your show (meaning fans and music enthusiasts over brokers, scalpers, and run-of-the-mill douche bags) put tickets on sale when you announce the show instead of letting the über hype build up over a few weeks. That way the people who hear about it first (aka the "right" people) will get tickets. Also do not use this new retarded tickets.com with its virtual slitting-my-wrists room. Not allowing resale of tickets is a good thing but would be even better if you had announced that BEFORE the tickets went on sale. Live and learn (and get Luvs you stupid babies)!

Moving on to a similar item, Bloc Party tickets went on sale this morning...but what's this?! Assigned seating? Ticketmaster? Try no. Sorry Bloc Party, I'll try and catch you at South by South West, instead.